Is it truly possible to capture a year that has gone by?
Many, including myself seem to feel a pandemic memory hole, where the last two years are one big BLUR!
How to figure out who one was and what one has become, over a year ?
The year 2022 passed by like a ship in troubled waters. Time, swift in the day and slow at nights.
So, instead of inviting anxiety and guilt about things and targets one might have messed with, failed in and given up in running into a new year, is it possible to sit with oneself and recall the -
time where the mind along with its thoughts were elsewhere,
And also the time, when bunch of innocent desires, opened doors into minds and thoughts of other people..
I have no desire to call myself a cinephile, nevertheless an ordinary movie watcher. Sometimes films become our identity and gives words and images to the silence that we all grapple with. But my new found interest for deep seated characters, stories and moving images has lead to feeling strongly and intensely about fictional characters. Where, the particular entertainment intended fictitious characters refuse to leave my mind.
These characters invoke deep yearning and happiness, as if they were written and manifested to lead oneself to that mental space, one longs for.
So out of many fictional characters from movies and books that inspired and messed with my head this year, I cant write about them all. But amongst them, three characters stand tall. These characters created elsewhere, continue to live, talk, teach, argue and grow within my headspace. And the times and moments of 2022 might have gotten much poorer and dull if not for them.
Fictional characters that define this year for me :
Timothee chalamet as Elio perlman - call me by your name
Julie delpy as Celine - Before Trilogy
Sidse knudsen as Birgitte Nyborg - Borgen tv series
Many Fans of call me by your name reduce the film into erotic and seductive love between two men. A queer story that explores the common theme of love and intimacy. But I was struck by how much, the stunningly gorgeous timothee chalamet as elio, was able to convey in this beautiful film.
Elio is a love struck teen, grappling with his new found feelings for another. He longs to experience the kind of passionate love he's mostly read in novels, but to pursue that love he needs to fight a battle, not with the outside world, but with himself. Love is risky, at its core. It splits you open and leaves you vulnerable, whether you act on it or not. “Is it better to speak, or to die?” is a pivotal question in the film. Now, what is it about elio's character, that sparked something within?
Reflection about Elio leads to a place where -
There is no need to rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, and also how one pursues love and how you live your life is your business. There is no shame in owning our thoughts, our hearts, our bodies and our experiences. Elio with his quite sense of allure, nudges one to accept ones heart for what it is, as our hearts and bodies are given to us only once. There is no abandonment, no shame, and no harm. Not anymore as one owns Elio.
Before trilogy ,a three part cinema captures a relationship as it begins, begins again, deepens, and strains over the course of almost two decades. From the time I discovered this classic three part movie series, there was no going back. Now lets talk about Celine played by julie delpy.
Celine is a kind of woman I wish I could sit for hours and discuss about why the world operates the way it does for women. Celine beautifully captures the nuances of a complicated woman. she is smart, observant and has strong opinions on womanhood, though she calls herself a feminist, she is worried about making it look like her whole life is revolving around some guy. Though, many claim before trilogy is too much chatter and exhausting. I truly felt Celine represents lot of women who feel the way she feels.
The whole dilemma of being aware of oneself and world, yet the frustration and guilt of not living up to ones awareness, is a tragedy of many women which Celine beautifully portrays.
To me Celine brings home this simple message, a rebellious woman with a lost cause is still okay.. it's almost impossible to succeed to live up to the image of a woman one desires to be .. but who cares, really? The answer must be in the attempt..
All pain in life happens when the world does not operate the way you thought it would. on entering adulthood, each one of us walk in with a world view, on how power operates and politics work, the formative years of wonderment and frustration leading into thinking, how all of world's problems are your problems. In the midst of all these confusion, a danish political drama comes as a breathe of fresh air.
Birgitte Nyborg, a fictional danish prime minister has to run a country, which constantly runs into all kinds of problems. The shows take on Female power and leadership was a master class on wide variety of subjects. The effect, character Birgitte Nyborgh had on me was way more higher than all the senseless and useless readings and thoughts I have been having over the years.
When does our honest intentions and expectations to act well and do good in life turn into a desperate performance to prove a point and feed our egos on daily basis?
Birgitte Nyborg, starts off as an idealistic female politician wanting to change the world for better, but ends up at a place where she no more recognizes her core self. And, birgitte by acting the way she does reminds that everything that is in our head, ideals and expectations is not something we can know.
All we have is what we see.
Free and easy..
The time and thoughts gone by in 2022, feels like having this severe desire to create, understand and experience something that is emotionally provoking, plus the constant sensation that I know nothing and must learn more. Hopefully, the new year will bring a new realization that we are all growing through this discomfort and could pick up bits and pieces from Elio,Celine and Birgitte.
Happy new year:)